STAYING MARRIED AND ENJOYING IT
I call him the “Love of my life “and he is my best friend, we talk and chat about everything and anything. We do have our moments of quarrels, misunderstandings and arguments which I call “ the marriage fights” but trust me, he is my love. I can confidently say that because I married my friend and I have decided to stay married and enjoy each day as if I just started the journey. I learn new things about my partner each day and I make a conscious effort to become a better partner. You would have to be determined to stay married and enjoy it no matter the difficulties you encounter as married couples. In my opinion certain factors help to achieve this and make one enjoy each day in marriage as if you just started the journey. Some of these includes:
• Marry Your Friend
Imagine having a life span of eighty years and above and getting married at the age of twenty-five years, the question is why would you marry someone you hardly know or anyone knows? When you marry your friend you share jokes, make fun of each other, cry together and enjoy happy moments as well. You would not see marriage as a contract that is rigid but as a contract between two people in love who have decided to live together, make memories along the way, committed and supportive of each other no matter the difficulties they encounter in their journey of life.
• Consciously make Your partner Your Best Friend
After marrying your partner make the conscious effort to make him or her your Best friend. Some people may not agree with me on this, but in my opinion it helps and it is best for your marriage. You can have friends who you discuss issues concerning for instance investment, education, work among others but make a conscious effort to keep your martial issues to yourselves. For counseling seek the advice of marriage counselors, pastors, trusted family or friends, never discuss your marital issues with someone you hardly know or trust. What fascinates me most is when married couples discuss their marital issues with unmarried people. The question is what kind of advise do you expect to get from such a person who has never been married, who is not a counselor, a pastor or a relationship expert for instance. Do not get me wrong some people might not be any of the above but can give good counsel but that is when you need to apply wisdom in the selection of the people you seek advice from. Always remember that it is not everyone who smiles with you, who wants the best for you. I have witnessed and heard on countless occasions married couples who have been betrayed by their best friends who exposed their marital secrets which later became “public news” and eventually causing divorce.
• Keep your difficulties or challenges to yourselves
All married couples experience difficulties or go through challenging times. Do not be deceived by looks or appearances. Just as we all encounter difficulties in life, so is every marriage. The difference is how determined you are to make your marriage work despite all the difficulties that you encounter, after all no condition is permanent. Happy moments are to be enjoyed so are difficult times to be endured by both. When going through such times try to remind yourselves of the good and happy times you have had and study the lessons carefully and move on. Remember if difficult and challenging times do not destroy or break you, they will eventually make you a stronger and a better couple.
• Be honest, open and truthful to each other
In a conversation with a colleague who has been married for over eighteen years; he told me this “men are generally defensive they hardly accept their fault even when caught in the act“. This helped me not to argue with my husband on certain issues and I advice my fellow married women to do same. Both married men and women should learn to understand the needs of each other and compromise, which is one of the keys to a successful marriage. Married couples must be honest with each other but in a heated argument I advice you wait and settle your differences when the atmosphere is calm. Just stop lying to each other then trusting becomes easier. If this is not done you will always be on the edge and you would never enjoy your marriage.
• Try and make up quickly after a misunderstanding
I read a story of a couple who had a fight and the man left for work. They never called each other the whole day as they usually do. Upon return the man got to the gate of their house and called the wife several times but she never picked. He went further to send a text but the wife was not bothered to read it. The wife about an hour later decided to get groceries for the house. She opened the gate only to find her husband dead in the car. He needed his inhaler desperately because he was having an asthma attack. This story explains it all, you never married as enemies but as two people in love, kindly remain lovers and not foes as it is not worth it. Try and resolve all misunderstandings and conflicts before they turn into something else.
Marriage is a journey taken by two people who love each other, who are committed to each other and are willing to make their journey work whiles enjoying it as well. It involves compromises and learning about each other. It is important to remain lovers and best of friends. You must build a relationship of trust in order to ensure a long lasting and enjoyable marriage. Always remember the powerful vow you made to each other “till death do us part” and it will guide your actions.
This article is dedicated to the love of my life. Thanks for your support, encouragement and believing in me all these years.
I invite couples to share opinions and experiences on this article.
“Love with Care and Protect Yourself“.